


Begin Again

by blk0912



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson, Barsonoah, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blk0912/pseuds/blk0912
Summary: Rafael rethinks his decision to walk away from Olivia. But is he too late?
Relationships: Noah Porter Benson & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 25
Kudos: 66





	1. Barson

**Author's Note:**

> As per usual, I was *not* planning another fic. But a plot bunny took hold and wouldn't leave me alone, so this happened. This turned out longer than I anticipated, and I'm going to attempt something with it I've never done before. I'm planning 4 total chapters-this first one is focused on Barson, the next chapter will focus on Rollisi, the third chapter on Calhoula, and the fourth chapter will bring them all together again. At least that's my plan at this point. 
> 
> This is set during the episode that shall not be named and (obviously) goes AU from there.
> 
> Thank you to all of my fellow barson people on Twitter, you all keep me entertained and inspired. If you don't have Twitter, I encourage you to join us there. We have lots of fun ;) 
> 
> Also happy (early) birthday to Hasbleidy. Hope you have an amazing birthday, mi amiga :)
> 
> Enjoy!

As he began to walk away from the woman who was both his best friend and the love of his life, Rafael mentally kicked himself for what he'd just done. Olivia had been there for him through so much in the last six years, and had even taken time off from work to be at his trial every day. He could still remember the way she had hugged him tightly after the not guilty verdict had been read and he'd turned to her in disbelief. 

He desperately wanted her continued support and wasn't sure how he would pick up the pieces of his life without it. He loved her and Noah, and that was one of the few things he was sure of at the moment. Hoping Olivia would forgive him again, he turned on his heel and began to quickly walk back to where he'd left her just a few moments ago. She was walking away. 

"Olivia," he said, practically yelling her name in an effort to get her attention. When she turned around and waited for him to approach, he sent up a silent prayer of thanks and for any help God would give him to fix what he'd broken, to not let the woman of his dreams walk away from him. He didn't deserve her, especially now, but if she would have him, he would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loved her. When he got close enough, he reached for her hand. "Ask me again."

Olivia blinked at him, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall again and to comprehend what it was he wanted her to do exactly. 

"Please," Rafael said, his own eyes beginning to swim with tears. "Ask me again."

"Ask what again?"

"What you asked me before. Ask me again."

Olivia knew what he was asking. Taking a deep breath, she tried to prepare herself for whatever answer he was going to give her this time.

"And?" 

"And I love you. And I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth the first time you asked."

"Why didn't you?"

"Fear," Rafael said with a sigh and a shrug of his shoulders. 

Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shoulder. She felt him let out a breath and then wrap his arms just as tightly around her, burying his face in her hair. 

"You're all I want, Livia. You and Noah. I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me after what I did," he whispered. "I thought walking away was the only option. But I couldn't do it. I'm an asshole for leaving you crying like that. But I'm an asshole that's in love with you and is desperately hoping you love me back."

Olivia pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes. "You're forgiven. You came back, Rafa. You and I, we always come back to each other. I love you, too. So does Noah. We don't care that you're not an ADA anymore. You're still Rafa and we love you.  _ You _ , Rafael Barba."

" _ Dios _ ," Rafael whispered before capturing her lips with his. 

Olivia let herself be lost in the kiss for a few moments before she pulled back and reached for Rafael's hand. "Come on, Rafa, let's go home."

"Home?" Rafael repeated, letting himself be led towards the street. 

"Well, I guess more specifically, my place. Unless you'd rather go back to yours? I could have Lucy drop Noah off there…"

"Maybe we could go get him together?" 

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Sure. We can do that. He'll be so excited to see you."

"Do you have anything resembling food at your place?"

"I think I could scrounge something up. Why?"

Rafael flashed her a half smile as he shrugged. "I'm kind of hungry all of the sudden."

Olivia laughed as she held out her hand to call a taxi. "Well, at least I know  _ that _ hasn't changed."

"I guess not," Rafael agreed as they slid into the backseat of the taxi and Olivia gave the driver her address

* * *

“So, what are you going to do now?” Olivia asked as she and Rafael shared a lunch of sandwiches and salad. 

Rafael shrugged. “McCoy wanted me to stay...but I didn’t feel like I could. I never really thought I’d leave the DA’s office to do anything other than be a judge so…”

“Were there any other areas of law that you remember being interested in?”

“Not particularly. I never gave it much thought. I guess I’ll start exploring my options. Since I have the time, though, I’d kind of like to get out of town for a little while…”

“And go where?”

“I have some family in Miami. Although, I’m not sure they’d be willing to see me, all things considered.”

“Have you tried to contact any of them?”

“I talked to one of my cousins last night. Her name is Luna. She’s a couple of years younger than me. She said she understood why I did what I did.”

“Does she live in Miami?”

Rafael nodded. “Yes, with her husband and their two children. Her daughter, Selena, is about a year younger than Noah. She also has a son, Miguel, who is about fourteen months I think.”

“Well...if you don’t mind waiting a couple of weeks, Noah and I could go to Miami with you…he’d love to go to the beach, especially if he knows you’re going with us. His school break is coming up and I already requested off that week. I have the weekends before and after off as well since Lucy is going to be out of town.”

“You want to go  _ with me _ ?” Rafael asked. 

Olivia sent him a confused look. “Of course I do. Rafa, I love you. You might not be my partner at work anymore, but you’ll always be my partner in my personal life. You’re the one who has been there for me through everything with Lewis, and Noah’s adoption. I know what you did to help find him when Sheila took him, and you were there for me through that ordeal, too. Even when you didn’t exactly know what to do, you were  _ by my side _ . You’re still my best friend and I’ll never be sorry that we met.”

Rafael reached across the table for Olivia’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I love you, too. Always. I’ve always been sure of where my career was headed and it’s extremely unsettling to have the career I spent over twenty years building suddenly just gone.”

Olivia shook her head. “It’s not gone. All those convictions, the victims that you fought for, those are still there.  _ You _ did that, Rafa. You’re still a lawyer, if you want to be. You can still help people.”

Rafael nodded, then gave her a wobbly half-smile. “I’m not going to be a defense attorney. No matter how much begging Rita does.”

“Good,” Olivia replied with a laugh. “We have a couple of hours before we have to go pick up Noah, what would you like to do?”

“Don’t you have to go back to work?”

Olivia shook her head. “I took the afternoon off. I knew I might have to pick up Noah today, Lucy wasn't sure if her class would be meeting today or not, and was just going to relax around the house until then.”

“What’s this ‘relax’ you speak of?”

Olivia laughed as she stood, tugging on his hand to get him to do the same. “Come with me, I’ll show you.”

“Sounds intriguing.”

Olivia simply smiled as she led him over to the couch, tugging on his hand again to get him to sit beside her. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered them both with it before releasing his hand and motioning for him to lift his arm. 

“Rafael,” Olivia said with a sigh. “Stop being difficult.”

Rafael chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “I’m sorry,  _ mi vida _ .”

Olivia snuggled close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “When’s the last time you watched TV in the middle of the day on a weekday...and it wasn’t worked-related?”

“Good question. Years.”

Reaching for the remote, she handed it to him. “You choose.”

Rafael nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before beginning to flick through the channels. He soon came upon a movie that he and Olivia had been talking about seeing again, and it was just beginning. “This okay?”

Olivia smiled and nodded. “Perfect. This is the movie we were just talking about.”

“I know. That’s why I stopped on this channel.”

“I think there’s going to be a lot more movie-watching in your future, Rafa.”

“Adult or children’s?” 

“Both!” Olivia said with a laugh. 

“I think I can handle that.”

“Good. Because you’re stuck with us now.”

Rafael tipped her face up for a kiss. “Not stuck,  _ mi amor _ . Exactly where I want to be.”

Olivia gave him another kiss before settling her head back on his shoulder. 

* * *

“Be prepared for him to launch himself at you,” Olivia joked as she and Rafael waited outside of Noah’s school. “He’s been asking for you.”

Rafael turned his head to look at her. “What did you tell him?”

“Just that you were busy. However, I  _ do _ think we should sit down with him sometime soon and explain what happened. In case he hears about it somewhere.”

Rafael nodded. “Tonight?”

Olivia shrugged. “That’s up to you. You know it won’t make him love you any less.”

“I’ll think about it.”

* * *

Walking out of his school, Noah smiled when he spotted his mother. As he got closer, his smile grew when he saw who was standing next to her.

“Uncle Rafa!” he said excitedly, running towards his favorite honorary uncle.

Rafael bent and caught Noah in his arms, hugging him tightly. 

“Are you done being busy now? I missed you,” Noah asked, pulling back to look at Rafael.

“I am,” Rafael confirmed. “I missed you, too,  _ amigo _ .”

“Are you coming back home with us? Mom is holding a bag that isn’t hers or mine.”

Rafael chuckled, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s hair. “I am. For a while, actually. Is that okay with you?”

Noah nodded happily. “Will you read me a story tonight?”

“I can do that. I heard your school had a bookfair and your mom bought you some new books.”

“Yes. Mom said one of them might be too hard for me, but I thought maybe you could help me?"

"Of course," Rafael answered as he stood and reached for Noah's hand. "It's cold out here, let's go home."

"Will you make us hot chocolate again?" Noah asked as they began to walk.

"Do you still have the ingredients?" Rafael asked Olivia as he reached for her hand with the one that wasn't holding Noah's. 

"Pretty sure. If not, I'll send you to the store tomorrow."

"You're just hoping I'll detour to the ice cream section and buy you some of that ridiculously expensive ice cream you like."

Olivia laughed. "As if your favorite kind isn't just as expensive!"

Rafael feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Noah giggled at the adults' fake argument. Both his mom and his Uncle Rafa seemed to be smiling at each other a lot more, and his mom was carrying a bag with some of his Uncle Rafa's stuff in it. He'd been trying not to get his hopes up that Rafael would one day be his dad, but now he felt that hope growing. 

* * *

"Do you have any questions for me or Uncle Rafa?"

Noah looked between his mother and Rafael. They had just explained to him why Rafael had been "busy" over the last few weeks and that he would no longer be working with Olivia. 

"Are you going to leave?" He asked, looking directly at Rafael. 

"No,  _ mijo _ . I'm not leaving," Rafael answered, looking over at Olivia. 

"Noah, Uncle Rafa and I love each other very much. We love you very much, too, and we want to be a family. The three of us. Is that something you would be okay with?" Olivia finished.

Noah nodded excitedly. "Uncle Rafa is going to be spending more time with us?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Yes. He packed a few things so he can spend a few days with us."

"Do I still have to go to school?"

Rafael laughed and reached over to ruffle Noah's hair. "Yes, you still have to go to school. But I can take you and pick you up."

"Will you help me with my homework?"

Rafael nodded. "I can do that. Do you think you could help me cook for your mom one night?"

"Yes!"

"You cook?" Olivia teased Rafael, who rolled his eyes at her in reply. 

"I'm Cuban, Livia. Of course I cook. I just rarely had the time to do it…"

Olivia laid a hand on his arm. "A home-cooked meal made by my two favorite people sounds amazing."

"Can we order take-out tonight?" Noah asked. 

"Sure. What would you like?"

"Pizza!"

"Didn't you just have pizza the other night?" Rafael asked, vaguely remembering Olivia telling him about it.

"I  _ like  _ pizza."

"Or we could get some ingredients and cook tonight instead."

Olivia glanced at her watch. "It  _ is _ early enough. Did you have a certain store in mind?"

"I do, actually. Do you mind if we take your car since mine is still parked at my place?"

"Not at all. Since you know how to get there, you can drive."

"We're going with Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked. 

"Yes. Go put your shoes and coat on."

Noah nodded, sliding off the couch to do as his mother instructed. 

* * *

When they arrived at the store, Rafael once again took a hand of each Olivia and Noah as he led them inside. Once they had gotten a cart, he kept hold of Noah's hand while Olivia pushed the cart. She insisted it would be easier, especially since Noah hadn't wanted to let go of Rafael's hand. 

"What are we going to make?" Noah asked as they began to walk down the aisles.

" _ Picadillo _ . I think you'll like it. My mami and  _ abuelita _ used to make it for me all the time when I was your age."

"Are there pickles in  _ picadillo _ ?"

Rafael laughed as he placed the jar of pickles in the cart. "No. They're for a kind of toasted sandwich called  _ medianoche _ ."

Noah made a face at this, eliciting laughter from both adults. Rafael reached out and ruffled his hair.

"You don't have to eat them if you don't want to, but maybe you could try a bite of one to see if you  _ do _ like it?" He suggested. 

"Maybe," Noah agreed. 

"Well, that's better than the usual  _ no _ I get when  _ I  _ suggest a new food," Olivia commented. 

Rafael shrugged and then continued walking down the aisle, Noah still holding his hand. 

* * *

"Are we getting ice cream?" Noah asked excitedly as Rafael led them down the frozen food aisles. 

"Maybe. I haven't had a chance to ask your mom how you've been behaving so I'm not sure if you're  _ allowed _ to have ice cream or not," Rafael replied. 

"I've been good!"

"He really has," Olivia said with a laugh before turning to her son. "Why don't you tell Rafa what your score on your spelling test was?"

"What was it,  _ mijo _ ?" Rafael asked.

"I got one hundred percent," Noah answered proudly. 

"I suppose that merits deserving ice cream."

Olivia watched as Rafael reached into a nearby freezer and pulled out three containers of ice cream. Strawberry for her, vanilla for Noah, and chocolate for himself.

"I'm not sure we need  _ that _ much ice cream," she commented.

Rafael shrugged. "It's not like we're going to eat it all in one night. Besides, it's the kind you like."

"Oh, you mean the  _ ridiculous _ ly  _ expensive  _ kind? I happen to see  _ three containers  _ of it in the cart."

Rafael smirked at her. "It  _ is _ ridiculously expensive. But it's delicious and you two deserve the best, plus it's my treat, so no arguing."

"Rafa, no. You don't need to pay for all of this."

"Please. Just let me do this for you."

Olivia sighed, but nodded. "Okay, but  _ I  _ will handle the clean up afterwards then."

"Deal," Rafael replied with a smile, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek. 

* * *

Once they returned home, Rafael put take-and-bake pizza they'd picked up in the oven and then helped Olivia put away groceries while Noah went to play with his Lego. 

"You should go play with him," Olivia said, nodding her head towards the living room.

"Are you sure?" Rafael asked.

Olivia nodded. "You already set the timer for the pizza and it won't be long. Go play for a bit."

Rafael nodded, giving her a quick kiss before joining Noah in the living room.

* * *

After they had put Noah to bed, Olivia and Rafael cuddled together on the couch again. 

"I could get used to this," Olivia said with a smile. 

"Me, too," Rafael agreed.

"Promise you won't leave us?"

"Never. I promise. I'm sorry for earlier, Livia. I don't know why I thought I could just walk away."

Olivia tightened her arms around him. "I forgive you. I told you that earlier. I want to help you however I can. You're more than welcome to hang out here while Noah is at school. But I have to go back to work tomorrow. McCoy stuck us with Stone until he finds your permanent replacement. I hate those words."

Rafael pressed a kiss to her temple. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to feel bad. McCoy never should have pressed charges. The parents didn't want to. It's not like this wasn't a unique situation. Although I  _ do  _ think some therapy would be helpful. I can ask Dr. Lindstrom for a referral," Olivia began, turning to face him with a smile as an idea occurred to her. "You could run against him for DA."

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her. "Really, Livia?"

Olivia framed his face in her hands and grinned at him. "I'm serious. You'd make a great DA."

"The election isn't for another almost two years. What do you propose I do in the meantime?"

"Build relationships with various organizations and businesses around the city. You have the time McCoy doesn't. You have the squad, who currently hate McCoy almost as much as I do. You could do some consulting work, maybe some mentoring like you did with Carisi. Use the contacts you have. By the time it comes to announce you're running against McCoy, you'll already have all this support behind you."

Rafael had to admit that he was intrigued. He might not ever be a judge now, and he may not win against McCoy, but he  _ could _ use his knowledge and his contacts to make a difference, to help people. With Olivia and Noah by his side, he felt like he could do anything. 

"Okay,  _ mi hermosa, inteligente novia, _ I see your point. I'll think about it."

Olivia tilted her head. " _ Novia _ ?"

Rafael smirked at her. "Well, I certainly can't go around introducing you as  _ mi alma gemela, _ even though you most certainly are."

"Really?"

Rafael's smile fell. He suddenly felt insecure. Maybe he was moving too fast. He was startled out of his thoughts by Olivia sliding her leg over him so she was straddling his lap, facing him. She was still cupping his face in her hands and moved to rest her forehead against his.

" _ Mi alma gemela _ ," she repeated before capturing his lips with hers, quickly deepening the kiss when he tightened his arms around her and began to kiss her back.

* * *

"You really think I'd make a good DA?" Rafael asked, brushing hair back from Olivia's face as they laid in bed together, facing each other on their sides as their heartbeats began to return to normal. 

Olivia reached out and ran her hand through his hair. "The best. But you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Whatever you decide, Rafa, Noah and I will support you."

"We'll see. I have at least six months before I need to decide anything. For now, I want to spend time with you and Noah, and take our trip to Miami. Maybe I'll figure out how to get my mother to start speaking to me again."

Olivia snuggled closer to him. She knew the rift between Rafael and his mother was hurting him, and she suspected it was hurting Lucia as well. The two had hit a bit of a rough patch after his grandmother had died, too, but they'd gotten through it. She was hopeful they would get through this one as well. Rafael's relationship with his mother was important to him,  _ she _ was important to him. "I'm sure she'll come around. She loves you."

Rafael sighed, tightening his arms around Olivia. "I know. I didn't think I'd miss her constantly checking in on me, but I do."

"Have you talked to her at all since the verdict?"

"I left her a message. I told her what the verdict was, that I hoped she was doing okay, and that I loved her. She hasn't called me back yet."

Olivia pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I'm sorry, Rafa."

Rafael turned his head to kiss her. "At least I still have you and Noah."

"And the squad. You know they're as much  _ your _ squad as they are mine."

"I know. I've never had a better team."

Olivia smiled before giving him another kiss. "Even with all of Carisi's law questions?"

Rafael chuckled. "Even then."

"I'd be willing to lose him as a detective if McCoy would let him be SVU's ADA."

"I may be able to help with that."

"How?"

"McCoy asked me if there was anyone I would recommend to take my place. I asked him if I could think about it and he agreed, telling me to send him an email when I had decided."

"Carisi is already familiar with the cases, he passed the bar exam, and you trained him yourself. He knows the team. If I can't have you, my next choice would be him. I hate to lose a good detective, but I know it's his dream to be a lawyer, and as his friend, that's what I want to see him achieve."

"I'll see what I can do. I can't promise anything, though."

"I understand. Thank you."

Rafael smirked at her. "Why don't you show me just how thankful you are?"

Olivia smiled, pressing kisses along his neck. "I can do that."

* * *

The next morning, after seeing Olivia off to work and taking Noah to school, Rafael went back to Olivia's and composed his email to McCoy. He outlined why he, and Olivia, though he didn't mention her name in the email, thought Carisi would be his choice to take over for him. The thought that he would be leaving SVU in good hands was actually comforting to him. He wasn't comforted by Stone taking over. He wanted that man far, far away from SVU. He didn't seem to have a sympathetic bone in his body and that wasn't the type of person SVU needed. 

* * *

When his phone rang later that afternoon, he didn't bother looking up from the resume he'd been working on. 

"Barba."

"Rafi?" Lucia's tentative voice carried through the phone.

"Mami," Rafael breathed. 

"Where are you? I called your office, your assistant said you resigned. I stopped by your apartment, but you weren't there and the guard at the security desk said she saw you leave yesterday afternoon with a bag and a woman whose name she didn't know."

"I'm  _ fine _ , Mami. I'm at Liv's."

"You're  _ where _ ?"

Rafael sighed. "Olivia's. You know who Liv is, Mami."

"Of course I do. Last time we spoke, you hadn't told her how you felt and you thought you had lost your chance to."

"Things changed."

"For the better I hope."

"With Liv? Yes."

"I'm sorry,  _ mijo _ . I should have been a better mother and been there for you."

"You're not a bad mother for disagreeing with a decision I made. But I appreciate the apology nonetheless."

"Maybe we could meet for lunch soon? Or you could come to brunch on Sunday? Bring your Olivia and her son. Noah, is it?"

"Yes. Noah. I could meet you for lunch tomorrow, pick you up at your school?"

"I'd like that," Lucia replied with a smile Rafael could picture in his mind.

"Me, too. I'll see you tomorrow, Mami.  _ Te amo _ ."

" _ Te amo _ ,  _ mijo _ ."

* * *

When she returned home from work, Olivia opened the door and immediately heard laughter coming from the kitchen. Quickly taking her shoes off and storing both her gun and badge, she walked towards the kitchen to find out what was going on.

"Just what do you boys think you're doing?" She asked, watching as Rafael held Noah in his arms and helped him stir whatever they were making on the stove. 

"Cooking with Rafa!" Noah said excitedly. 

"What are you making?"

" _ Picadillo _ ," Rafael answered, handing Noah over so she could hug the little boy.

"Smells delicious," Olivia replied, hugging Noah tightly and pressing a kiss to his head. "Do I have time for a quick shower?"

Rafael glanced at the timer on the microwave. "Yes. Go ahead."

Olivia set Noah on his feet before walking over to Rafael and cupping his face in her hands, pressing her lips to his. "You timed this perfectly so I had time for a shower, didn't you?"

Rafael's eyes danced as he smirked. "I'm certain I have no idea what you're talking about."

Olivia kissed him again. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Rafael replied before reluctantly stepping back and lowering her hands. "Now go shower."

* * *

"I think Noah has a new favorite meal," Olivia whispered to Rafael as Noah dug into his second helping of  _ picadillo _ .

Rafael looked over at the boy and then back to his girlfriend. "I think you're right."

"You want to say that again?"

Rafael chuckled. "Say what again?" He asked innocently, causing Olivia to laugh as she pushed his shoulder. 

Watching his mom and Rafael, Noah smiled to himself. She had seemed sad, and Rafael had been around a lot less, over the last few weeks. Now Rafael was here again, and he was making his mom smile and laugh. 

"Rafa?" He asked, gaining the man's attention. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to stay forever now?"

"Umm…" Rafael turned to Olivia with a question in his eyes.

"Is that something you would like, sweet boy?" Olivia asked her son.

"Yes, please," Noah replied.

Olivia turned back to her boyfriend. She knew she was asking a lot, they'd barely been a couple for twenty-four hours, but they'd been best friends for years. With anyone else, this might have felt rushed, but with him, it felt  _ right _ .

"What do you say, Rafa? Stay with us forever?" She asked.

"Yes," Rafael answered confidently. "I'd love to stay with you two forever."

Noah quickly slid off his seat and climbed onto Rafael's lap, wrapping his arms around the man's neck to hug him tightly.

* * *

"So I guess we have a lot to do over the next few weeks," Rafael commented as Olivia joined him on the couch after putting Noah to bed.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, reaching for the glass of wine Rafael had poured for her.

"Combining two households...unless you changed your mind?"

Olivia leaned over and kissed him. "I didn't change my mind. I would love to spend every night falling asleep in your arms."

"My landlord is waiting for me to tell him whether or not I'm staying…"

"So is mine," Olivia confessed.

"We could look for a house. It would be nice for Noah to have a small yard to play in."

"Maybe. I always liked your place, though. Plus, it has better security. Ever since the whole Sheila showing up at my door debacle, I've been looking at places with better security."

"I understand."

"Maybe we could stay at your place for a while and then revisit the house idea?" Olivia suggested. "I don't want you to feel like I'm shooting down your idea just because I'm still a little insecure."

Rafael reached for her free hand, lacing their fingers together. "I told you-I understand. I'm more than happy for you and Noah to move in with me. I'd be just as happy to move in here. I just want to be with the two of you, to be able to come home to you both every day. When you're ready, we can revisit the idea of a house. Until then, we'll just have to make sure Noah gets plenty of time at the park."

Olivia leaned over to kiss him. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll go talk to my landlord tomorrow. See what I need to do to add you and Noah to the lease. I'm also having lunch with my mom tomorrow."

"You talked to her?" Olivia asked in surprise. 

Rafael nodded and then took a sip of his scotch. "She called earlier. She was worried when she called the DA's office and Carmen told her I'd resigned, and then when she stopped by my apartment and security told her I left with a bag and a woman a few days ago and that I hadn't been back since."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Rafael leaned over to brush his lips with hers. "I appreciate the offer,  _ mi alma _ , but I'll be okay. I could meet you for coffee afterwards, if you're not too busy?"

"I'm never too busy for you, Rafa. Don't you know that by now?"

Rafael thought for a moment. They'd always made time for each other over the years, no matter how busy their schedules were. Even when their friendship had hit rough patches, they'd never stopped being there for each other. They would always be best friends. 

"I guess I just never really thought about it," he said with a half-smile.

"I can meet you outside if you don't want to come to the precinct."

Rafael nodded. "I think that would be best for now."

"The squad knows about us."

"I figured."

"I'm not giving them any details. But they were worried about you, and I wanted to be honest with them."

"I understand. I appreciate their concern."

"They'll always be  _ our _ squad."

Rafael smiled at her. "I wish I could still work with all of you."

"They're still your friends.  _ Our _ friends."

" _ Our _ friends?" Rafael repeated.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes.  _ Our _ friends. You don't agree?"

Rafael shrugged and then took another sip of his scotch. "The only friendship I've been sure about in a long time was ours."

Olivia set her wine glass on the table and then reached over to cup Rafael's cheek in her hand. "Rafa, they all asked about you when I got in today. They were all worried about you."

Rafael turned his head and pressed a kiss to Olivia's palm. "I appreciate their concern, but I'll be fine."

Olivia studied him closely. "Are you okay, Rafa? You seem...tired…"

"I think the trial just took a lot more out of me than I realized."

"I confirmed the days of Noah's break and that I had those days off. So maybe we could look at tickets to Miami?"

Rafael smiled and nodded. "Sure. Do you want to do that now?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. She took his scotch from him and set it on the table, then stood and tugged on the hand still holding hers to get him to do the same. Sliding a hand around the back of his neck, she pulled him close and kissed him, opening her mouth to him as he deepened their kiss. 

"Livia," he mumbled against her mouth.

Olivia stepped back and then led him down the hall to what she now thought of as  _ their _ bedroom. 

* * *

After meeting with his landlord and arranging a time for Olivia to stop in and sign the new lease, Rafael caught a cab to Brooklyn for lunch with his mother. Walking up the steps to her school, he stopped at the front office. 

" _ Hola _ , Belinda," he said, greeting the receptionist. "Is my mom busy?"

" _ Hola,  _ Rafael," the older woman replied with a smile. "She just returned from teaching a class. She should be in her office. You can go on in."

"Thanks."

* * *

" _ Hola _ , Mami," Rafael greeted as he stepped into his mother's office. 

"Rafi," Lucia breathed, immediately standing and rushing to hug her son tightly.

Rafael returned her hug, holding her just as tightly. He'd missed her and had been worried their relationship would never recover. Olivia had tried to assure him they would get through it, but as much as he wanted to believe her, he hadn't been sure. Not until this moment. 

Lucia pulled back and cupped Rafael's face in her hands. "How are you feeling,  _ mijo _ ?"

"A little better each day," Rafael answered.

"And your Olivia and Noah? How are they?"

"Good. They're going to move in with me. Liv wants the extra security that my building provides and I just want to be with them, so we decided on my place."

"Because of her job?"

"I think that's part of it. But Noah's biological grandmother turned up at Liv's door unannounced a few months ago, and it shook her."

Lucia nodded. "That's certainly understandable."

"The woman ended up kidnapping Noah, too. That was  _ after _ she tried and failed to have his adoption vacated."

Lucia frowned. "Olivia is his mother."

Rafael nodded. He knew Lucia would understand. She was a big believer in family, in whatever form it may take as long as the children were loved and taken care of. "Well, this woman disagreed. She took advantage of Liv's desire to give Noah more family. Gained her trust and took advantage of that, too."

"Noah wasn't harmed, was he?"

"Thankfully, no. Just a little shaken up. Liv didn't let him out of her sight for a while."

Lucia nodded again. "I can't say I blame her."

"No one really did. Her boss got impatient with her as to when she was coming back to work, but Fin held down the fort while she was gone."

"Who's Fin?" Lucia asked as she led Rafael out of her office. "You've mentioned the name before."

"He's Liv's second-in-command. He's been with the department almost as long as she has. He recently got promoted to sergeant. Liv trusts him with her life and he always has her back," Rafael answered.

"He sounds like a good friend to have."

"The whole squad is, really. They're good people, Mami."

"They're your friends?"

Rafael shrugged and then opened the door so his mother could step outside. "Liv says they are."

Lucia waited for him before beginning to lead him towards a nearby restaurant. "You don't agree?"

"I don't know. I'm unsure of a lot of things right now."

"I'm sorry, Rafi. I should have been there for you. I can't say that I agree with what you did, and I didn't realize your father's death affected you so much, but I've done a lot of thinking and praying...and I think I understand why you did what you did. More importantly, I love you and I want you in my life, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing because I wasn't in that situation. I don't believe charges should have been brought against you and the jury was right to find you not guilty. I'd like to get to know your Olivia and Noah as well. If you'll let me."

Rafael nodded, needing a minute to compose himself. He had been worried that Lucia wouldn't want to be part of his life anymore or wouldn't want to get to know two of the most important people in his life. "I'd like that. I'll talk to Liv and we'll find a time for you to meet them."

* * *

Once he had returned to Manhattan after lunch with his mother, Rafael met Olivia at their favorite coffee cart. He was surprised to see Amanda and Sonny with her. 

“Rafa,” Olivia said with a smile when she saw him, walking over to hand him his coffee and give him a quick kiss before wrapping her arm around his waist. 

“Lu said you were havin’ lunch with your mom?” Sonny asked. “You two have made up, then?”

“Getting there,” Rafael answered. 

“Tell him your news,” Olivia encouraged Sonny.

“I have an interview with McCoy on Friday for the SVU ADA position,” Sonny said with a smile.

“We’re proud of him,” Amanda added, though Rafael noticed her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“I didn’t get the job yet, Manda.”

“I’m sure you will,” Amanda replied with a shrug before turning to Rafael. “It was good to see you, Barba. Don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

Rafael nodded. “Good to see you, too, Rollins.”

Amanda placed her hand on Sonny’s arm. “I’m going to go back inside. It’s cold out here.”

“I’ll meet you inside,” Sonny told her.

Amanda nodded and then turned to walk back inside. 

“She’s been actin’ weird ever since I told her about the interview,” Sonny said with a slight frown. “I should get back in before she decides to yell at me, though. Good to see you, Barba. If I get this job, hopefully I can do even half as much good as you did.”

“I’m sure you will,” Rafael replied. “Good luck.”

Sonny nodded and then turned to walk in the same direction Rollins had gone a few minutes before, leaving Olivia and Rafael alone together. 

“You okay?” Olivia asked, looking over at him. 

“Yeah. My mom wants to see you again...and meet Noah. I told her I would talk to you and we would figure out a time that works.”

“I have Sunday off. Maybe we could meet her for brunch? Or have her over?”

“We could go to that diner that Noah likes. It’s not terribly far from her church.”

“Perfect.”

“What are you going to do the rest of the day?”

“Rita called while I was on my way here. She wanted to know what I knew about immigration law. I told her I’d meet with her and see what I could do.”

“Immigration law?”

Rafael shrugged. “You said to start building relationships, right? Rita’s firm is one of the largest in the city. Plus, she’s a friend and I’m not doing anything.”

Olivia nodded. She knew Rafael and Rita had been friends since they had gone to Harvard together, and the other woman knew he was still a great lawyer even though his confidence had been shaken. “Sounds interesting.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I should get back in,” Olivia said with a sigh. “I’ll see you at home later? We need to talk to Noah about moving…”

Rafael nodded, giving her a quick kiss. “We’ll talk to him after dinner tonight.”

“Will you be done at Rita’s in time to pick up Noah? Or should I call Lucy?”

“Can I let you know? I don’t really know how long this thing with Rita will take.”

“I can just have Lucy pick him up and bring him home. If you’re not there, she can stay with him until one of us gets home.”

“She won’t mind?”

Olivia shook her head. “No. She loves Noah.”

“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m leaving Rita’s.”

“I might be a little later than normal tonight. I have a meeting with Dodds this afternoon.”

“Sounds like fun.”

Olivia laughed, playfully slapping his chest. “I know how much you always enjoyed them.”

Rafael chuckled, pulling Olivia closer for another kiss. “Go be productive,  _ mi amor _ . I’ll see you at home.”

“See you at home,” Olivia replied with a smile before reluctantly stepping away and turning to walk back inside. The thought of seeing Rafael and Noah at home would be what got her through the next few hours of paperwork and her meeting with Dodds. She knew Noah would be excited about moving in with Rafael and couldn’t wait to tell him the good news. She was also looking forward to meeting his mother again, and to her meeting Noah. She hoped they could all be a family someday. She knew how important Lucia was to Rafael and she had a feeling the older woman could be a better grandmother than she’d ever even hoped Sheila could be.


	2. Rollisi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say except thank you to those of you who encouraged me to continue with this and I hope you all enjoy the revised version of the Rollisi chapter. I'm still not sure I'm going to continue with my original plan for this, I have other fics I want and need to work on, so I'm going to leave this at 2 chapters for now. Also, special thanks to motherbearof3 for helping me with what Sonny says about Amanda's degree.
> 
> Again, I hope you all enjoy this revised version of the chapter (and comments fuel the muse ;) )

“Still frequenting the same places, I see.”

Rafael looked up at the sound of the familiar voice. 

“Amaro, what are you doing here?” he asked, confused at the sight of his friend sitting on the barstool next to his own

“Liv called. She told me what happened. She’s worried about you,” Nick answered.

Rafael rolled his eyes, though he was secretly touched by what his girlfriend had done. “I’m  _ fine _ .”

“Sure you are,  _ compay _ .”

Rafael tried to hide his smile as he shook his head. Nick signaled for the bartender and ordered a drink before turning back to his friend.

“Really, Barba,  _ you _ should have called.”

Rafael shrugged and took a sip of his scotch. “I barely felt like I deserved  _ Liv’s _ support, let alone anyone else’s.”

“McCoy is an idiot for bringing charges against you in the first place.”

“You sound like Liv.”

Nick chuckled. “I happen to agree with her.”

“She wants me to run against McCoy for DA.”

“You’d make a great DA, and it would serve McCoy right for doing what he did. What was it you said to Caleb Bryant during his investigation? America loves a good comeback?”

Rafael rolled his eyes again. “I think the California sun has gone to your head.”

Nick laughed. “I’m serious, Barba. By the time you would even need to  _ announce _ you’re running, a lot of the nonsense will have died down. You know you’d have the support of Liv and the rest of SVU. You’ve helped other departments of the NYPD in the past, too.”

“Liv thinks I should take time to use the contacts I have and make new ones, to work with various organizations, things like that. I just don’t want them to think I’m doing it because I want to be the Manhattan DA and not because I genuinely want to help them.”

“What do  _ you _ want to do?”

“I have  _ no fucking clue _ . I’ve been a prosecutor for over twenty years. What the hell am I going to do now?”

“I felt the same way when I first moved to California after I had to leave the NYPD.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re a private detective. You’re not doing anything much different.”

Nick chuckled. “I’m actually working for the Los Angeles DA’s office now.”

“Still a detective.”

“You can still be a  _ lawyer _ . Maybe you’ll run for DA and be a prosecutor again, maybe you’ll find another branch of the law that you enjoy.”

“I don’t want Liv to be disappointed if I decide  _ not _ to run for DA.”

“She won’t be. She just wants you to be happy, you know that.”

“ _ She _ makes me happy. Her and Noah.”

Nick smiled and nodded. “I’ve known that for a long time. Really, Barba, what took you so long?”

Rafael smiled a little as he shrugged and then gave Nick the same answer he’d given Olivia the other day. “Fear. She’s my best friend. Losing her isn’t an option.”

“Yet you almost walked away from her.”

Rafael sighed. “I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer her. If she didn’t want me when I was an ADA, why would she want me when I wasn’t one anymore?”

This time it was Nick’s turn to roll his eyes. “Because she loves  _ you _ , Rafael Barba. She loved ADA Barba because he was part of  _ you _ .”

“I realize that now.”

“About time. So, you and Liv are together now?”

Rafael smiled and nodded. “We are.”

“What about Noah? Where does he fit into this?”

“Liv and Noah mean  _ everything _ to me.”

“All this sappiness is going to give me a cavity,” a new voice interrupted from the other side of Nick.

“Nice to see you, too, Rollins,” Rafael returned. “Isn’t it a little early for you to be here?”

Amanda shrugged. “I was driving Liv crazy so she told me to take the afternoon off.”

Rafael glanced at his watch and realized Sonny would be in his interview now. Rollins’ appearance at the bar suddenly made more sense. “Are you worried about Carisi not getting the job?” 

Amanda shook her head as the bartender placed her regular drink in front of her. “I’m worried about him  _ getting _ the job,” she admitted softly.

“Why?” Nick asked. “It’s not like Liv would let you go without a partner for long.”

“He’s not just my partner. He’s a big, stupid Italian softie, but I love that about him.”

“Love?” 

Amanda nodded, looking at her drink instead of her old partner. “A lot has changed since you left, Nick.”

Nick nodded his head in acknowledgement. “Okay, so you and Carisi. I can see it. Why are you so worried about him getting a new job if not because you’d be losing your partner?”

“I’m just a messed up girl from small-town Georgia. I got pregnant from a one-night stand and he’s not even involved in his daughter’s life. Sonny is more of a father to her than her biological one. I have a Master’s degree in forensic science yet I haven’t even made detective second-grade and I’ve been with SVU for almost seven years. What do I have to offer that all those smart, law-degree-holding women at the DA’s office don’t?”

“She gets it,” Rafael said, raising his glass to Amanda before taking a sip of his drink.

Nick rolled his eyes. “You two are pathetic. Barba, you and Liv have been dancing around your feelings for each other for  _ years _ . Basically since you two met. And Amanda, Carisi has always been interested in you. Also basically since you two met. Liv isn’t going to leave Barba for anyone else and Carisi isn’t going to leave you for anyone else, either..”

“He doesn’t even know how I feel,” Amanda muttered.

“You two need to stop wallowing. Barba, what happened to the guy who told me, and I quote, ‘ _ no te equivoques conmigo _ ’? And Rollins, what happened to the woman who told me I was addicted to my own misery and she’d recommend help, but they don’t make a twelve-step program for self-pity?”

Amanda and Rafael exchanged looks and shrugged before turning back to Nick. 

“Life,” they said in unison.

“Okay, I get that, but wallowing like this isn’t like either of you. Barba, you may not be an ADA anymore, but that doesn’t mean everything you accomplished while you  _ were _ is just erased. All those perps you helped to put away, the victims you helped, the  _ good _ that you did. It’s still there. I’d personally like to see you run against McCoy and kick his ass. But if that’s not something you want to do, fine. Liv just wants you to be happy, and you’re still a great lawyer. A pain in the ass sometimes, but still a great lawyer.”

Rafael tilted his head in acknowledgement before taking another sip of his drink and waiting for Nick to continue. 

“Rollins, what grade detective you’ve achieved doesn’t negate everyone  _ you _ have helped, either. You and Liv are two of the strongest women and best cops I know. It takes a lot of courage to decide to keep the child of an unplanned pregnancy, especially when you’re single and the father isn’t there or isn’t supportive. Who was there for you during that time?”

“Sonny,” Amanda answered. “He was there for me through it all. He knew I was pregnant before I did. He’s great with Jesse. They adore each other.”

“If he’s the one you want, tell him how you feel.”

“I have to second that,” Rafael said. “I should have told Liv long ago how I felt. I almost lost her twice because I wasn’t honest. If you want Carisi, tell him that. I seriously doubt he’s going to reject you.”

Amanda narrowed her eyes at him. “How would you know that?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow. “He wasn’t a very silent shadow. At least outside of court.”

“You two are depressing me,” Nick complained, earning him annoyed looks from both of his friends. 

“Remind me why we missed him?” Amanda asked Rafael.

“ _ I _ didn’t,” Rafael answered with a laugh.

Nick rolled his eyes and shook his head, then motioned for the bartender. “Another round.”

* * *

Walking out of his interview with McCoy, Sonny was surprised to see Olivia chatting with McCoy’s assistant.

“Lu, what are you doing here?” he asked. 

“Rafa asked me to bring Carmen a gift he bought for her as a thank you for everything she did for him over the last six years, so I chatted with her for a while and then I came to see how Laila was doing. Then I thought you might want to see a friendly face when you got out of your interview, and Laila said I could stick around, so here I am.”

“I promised Manda I would text her when it was over,” Sonny said as he took out his phone. “Is she still at the precinct?”

“I sent her home. All that nervous energy was driving me crazy.”

Sonny looked up after sending a text to Amanda. “Nervous energy?”

Olivia smiled and patted his shoulder. “Walk with me, Carisi.”

After bidding goodbye to Laila, Sonny let Olivia lead him out the door. 

“Why would Rollins have nervous energy?” Sonny asked.

“She was nervous for you. I think she’s afraid of what would happen if you  _ do _ get the job.”

Sonny sent her a confused look. “Does she think something  _ bad _ would happen?”

Olivia shrugged. “I think she’s afraid you’ll forget her.”

“Never,” he said before taking out his phone and reading Amanda’s response. At his sudden frown, Olivia laid a hand on his arm. “She’s at Forlini’s with Barba...and Amaro.”

“I’m sorry, Sonny, I called Nick because he’s a good friend of Rafa’s...I thought Amanda would go home…”

Sonny shook his head. “It’s fine. I know Barba could use the support right now. How’s he holdin’ up, anyway?”

“A little better every day,” Olivia answered. “He’s trying to figure out what he’s going to do next. Noah and I are moving in with him.”

“Once you know, you know?” 

Olivia smiled and nodded. “I’ve loved Rafa for years. I’m done wasting time.”

“Noah is happy about this?”

“Very. He’s hardly let Rafa out of his sight.”

“I’m happy for you, Lu. Noah and Barba, too.”

Olivia bumped his shoulder with hers as they walked. “I would love to keep you as one of my detectives, but I would equally love for you to get this job. I know it’s what you’ve been working towards, and I’ll help you however I can. I’m sure Rafa will, too. I’d much rather have  _ you _ as my ADA than deal with Stone any longer.”

Sonny chuckled. “I’d much rather  _ be _ the ADA than deal with Stone any longer,” he said, eliciting a laugh from Olivia.

“Here’s hoping. Shall we go meet the others?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Walking into Forlini’s, Olivia and Sonny immediately spotted Rafael, Nick, and Amanda sitting at the bar. Olivia walked up to Rafael and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind, pressing her cheek to his. 

“Hi,” she said, moving to take the seat next to his.

Rafael leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. “Hi, You done for the day?”

Olivia nodded. “Carmen says thank you for the gift and she hopes you’re doing well.”

“She’s the best assistant I’ve ever had.”

“She’d probably follow you wherever you go.”

“Did she say something to you?” 

Olivia shook her head. “No, but she didn’t have to. Believe it or not, you inspire loyalty, Rafa. You two worked well together for six years. Back before I even considered the possibility of taking over SVU, had Cragen left for another unit, I honestly probably would have followed him.”

Rafael nodded. He knew Olivia and her former captain were close, and that she saw him as both friend and mentor. When he worked in Brooklyn, he had seen two detectives follow their commanding officer to SVU when he transferred from the Bronx to take over. 

“Who’s picking up Noah?” he asked, changing the subject when he noticed the time.

“Lucy. They’re going to pick up pizza and have a movie night.”

“Does that mean I have to buy us food?”

Olivia laughed, leaning over to kiss him again. “Yes,  _ mi amor _ , it does.”

Rafael playfully rolled his eyes before picking up his drink and then grabbing Olivia’s hand.

“Liv and I are going to get a table,” he said to their friends, his tone letting them know they didn’t want company.

“I should take off, too,” Nick said. “I have a meeting with the Brooklyn DA tomorrow.”

“About what?” Amanda asked.

“A case we’re working out in LA that we think might be connected to one in Brooklyn. When they were looking for someone to come out here and meet with him, I volunteered. Night all.”

* * *

Once she was alone with Sonny, Amanda leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“Manda, you okay?” Sonny asked. 

“Just tired,” Amanda answered. “And hungry.”

“Where’s Jesse?”

“With Mrs. Mason. I need to relieve her soon. Hopefully Jesse goes to bed easy tonight. I have no energy to argue with her.”

“We could get take-out and then go back to your place? I can help put Jesse to sleep. You know she likes me.”

“Okay,” Amanda agreed.

* * *

As he and Amanada sat together in the back of the cab on the way to her apartment, Sonny was surprised when she slipped her hand into his and laid her head on his shoulder again. He wasn’t sure what was going on with her, but he was beginning to worry. He was grateful for the time alone with her, though. Olivia and Rafael weren’t the only ones who had been fighting feelings. He’d been fighting his own for the blonde detective sitting next to him for a while. 

* * *

“Mommy!” 

Amanda smiled as she bent to accept her daughter’s hug. “Hi, honey.”

As she was hugging her mother, Jesse noticed who else had walked in the door. Grinning, she moved from her mother’s embrace to walk over to Sonny and lift her arms. When he lifted her into his arms, she wrapped hers around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

“Have you been good for your Mama,  _ piccola _ ?” he asked.

Jesse nodded. “Yes. Make spaghetti tonight?”

Sonny chuckled, hugging her close. “Not tonight,  _ piccola _ . Another night. I promise. We brought you spaghetti instead. Come on, let’s get you settled so you can eat.”

* * *

While Sonny got Jesse settled in her high chair, Amanda paid the babysitter and began to unload the take-out containers. She had just put the spaghetti on a plate for Jesse when he rounded the corner and opened the fridge to get a juicebox for Jesse. 

“That for  _ mi amica _ ?” he asked, indicating the Paw Patrol plate on the counter.

“Yes. Would you mind taking it to her?”

“Sure. You need any help?”

Amanda shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine, thanks.”

Sonny nodded, taking the plate and juicebox out to Jesse while Amanda followed a couple of minutes later with the other two take-out containers and a couple of beers. 

* * *

After dinner, Amanda gave Jesse a bath and got her ready for bed. She had just managed to get pajamas on the still energetic little girl when she ran from the room. 

“Jesse!” Amanda called as she rushed after her.

“Want Sonny!” Jesse called back. 

Amanda sighed, but her frown at Jesse running away turned into a smile when she saw Sonny holding the little girl on his lap, letting her play with his fingers. He had discarded his jacket, tie, and vest, his shirt was unbuttoned at the top, and his sleeves were rolled up as well. Olivia had confessed once that she thought the same look on Rafael was sexy, and seeing it on Sonny now with that conversation in mind, she thought it looked sexy on him as well.

“I’ve got her,” Sonny said, lifting his head to look at her. “You finish cleaning up, take a shower. I’ll handle bedtime.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Amanda nodded, walking over to her daughter and kissing her head. “Be good for Sonny. I love you.”

“Love you, Mommy.”

* * *

Once Amanda had retreated to the bathroom, Sonny turned to the little girl in his arms. 

“Well,  _ piccola _ , what do you say we read a story?”

“Out here?”

Sonny shook his head and then stood, shifting her to his hip as he began to walk towards her bedroom. “Nope. In bed.”

“Lamby, too?”

“Yes, Lamby, too.”

“Love Lamby,” Jesse said, laying her head on Sonny’s shoulder. 

“Lamby loves you, too,” Sonny assured her as they walked into her room.

“Lamby!” Jesse said excitedly as Sonny set her on her bed and she reached for the stuffed lamb laying there, hugging her close.

“Is Lamby ready for bed, too?”

Jesse nodded, keeping the stuffed animal close as Sonny selected a book and then settled next to her on the bed. By the end of the story, Jesse was asleep, Lamby still held tightly in her arms. After pressing a kiss to her temple, he stood and put the book away before walking out of the room to find Amanda.

* * *

Sitting on the end of her bed dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt, Amanda wrapped her arms around herself as she attempted to control the urge to cry. She wanted to be happy for Sonny, that he was getting an opportunity to be the lawyer he wanted to be, to use the things he’d learned in law school in real life. But she felt like she was going to lose him if he got the job. She’d begun to think of him as her partner in her personal life as well as at work. She wasn’t sure that she and Sonny had a connection like Olivia and Rafael did, she wasn’t sure many people in general did, but she was sure that she loved Sonny...and that she didn’t deserve him. She wondered what he saw in her-a messed up single mother from Georgia with multiple degrees but lacking any kind of promotion in all her years with SVU. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear him enter the room.

“Manda? What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately moving to sit beside her and pull her into his arms. 

Amanda closed her eyes as she leaned against him. Feeling overwhelmed by all of her emotions, she began to cry. 

“Manda,  _ tesora _ , tell me what’s goin’ on, you’re scarin’ me.”

“I’m scared,” Amanda confessed softly.

“Scared of what?”

Amanda sighed and then took a deep breath. “Scared you’ll find someone else. Someone better. If you get the ADA job, you’ll be surrounded by a lot of smart, beautiful women who I’m sure you’d be proud to take home to your family.”

“What makes you think I’d want anyone other than you?”

Amanda raised her head and sent him a confused look. “Why  _ wouldn’t _ you?”

Sonny frowned. “Because the only one I want is _you_. I want to bring _you_ _and Jesse_ home to meet my family. I don’t care about how much education you have or haven’t had. Just because you don’t have a law degree doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You have a master’s degree in forensic science, Manda, that’s nothing to sneeze at. I think you’re very beautiful, too. My favorite place to be is here with you and Jesse.”

“You...want  _ me _ ?” Amanda repeated.

Sonny reached up to frame her face with his hands. “ _ Sí _ ,” he said before leaning over to brush her lips with his. 

Placing a hand on Sonny’s hip and laying her other hand on his leg, Amanda leaned into him as she returned his kiss. When he pulled back and then began to press kisses along her jaw and throat, she closed her eyes and tilted her head back. 

“I love you,” Sonny said before capturing her lips again. 

Amanda broke the kiss and pulled back to look at him. “ _ What _ ?” 

“I love you.”

Amanda stood and began to pace. “What about Jesse? You know I have to think about her, too? About  _ her _ heart?”

With a sigh, Sonny stood and walked over to her, taking her hands in his in an effort to get her to stand still. “You know I love her, too.”

Amanda nodded. “I know,” she said softly.

Releasing her hands, Sonny wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, closing his eyes in relief when he felt her wrap her own arms around his neck and hug him back. 

“I love you, too,” Amanda confessed as she continued to hold him tightly.

Pulling back slightly, Sonny framed her face in his hands and bent his head to kiss her again. Keeping her arms around his neck, she began to kiss him back.

“Stay tonight?” Amanda asked when they broke apart a few moments later. “I still have the sweatpants and t-shirt you left here. I washed them…”

Sonny gave her another quick kiss. “Of course I’ll stay. There’s no place I’d rather be.”

Amanda smiled at him and then went to get his clothes. When she returned and handed them, she was happily surprised when Sonny kissed her again. 

“ _ Grazie, amore mio _ ,” he said before walking down the hall to the bathroom. 

Amanda smiled to herself as she got into bed and waited for Sonny to return. Reaching for her phone, she sent a quick text to Nick.

_ Thanks for the push _

She received a response back just as Sonny was walking into the room. 

“Who’s that?” he asked as he slipped into bed beside her. 

“Nick. I thanked him for giving me a push earlier,” Amanda explained, setting her phone back on her bedside table. Seeing the frown on Sonny’s face, she leaned over and kissed him. “He was just being a good friend. Ask Barba if you don’t believe me, he was there, too.”

“This was at Forlini’s?”

Amanda nodded. “Barba and I were wallowing a bit, and Nick talked some sense into us.”

“I guess I owe him a thank you as well, then.”

Amanda smiled at him. “You can thank him tomorrow.”

Sonny nodded, laying down and reaching for Amanda, smiling when she tucked herself against his side and laid her head on his shoulder. Laying an arm over his middle, she pressed a kiss to his jaw before settling her head back on his shoulder. Keeping her close, Sonny wrapped an arm around her shoulders and then rested his head lightly on hers. Soon they were both asleep, looking forward to their new life together. 

* * *

Early the next morning, Amanda and Sonny woke to the sound of Jesse crying. Quickly getting out of bed, Amanda went to get her daughter. When she returned, she was holding Jesse, who was clutching Lamby tightly and sniffling as she rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. 

“Someone had a bad dream,” Amanda said, setting the little girl down on the bed before getting back in herself. 

“What happened in your dream,  _ piccola _ ?” Sonny asked, brushing hair back from her face as Amanda rubbed her back. 

“Monsters,” Jesse answered.

“Ah, the monsters dream again, huh?”

Jesse nodded. “They’re scary.”

“Well, there are no monsters in here. You’re safe with Mommy and me.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Jesse laid down between the adults, still holding Lamby tightly. 

“Sonny, you stay?” she asked a few moments later.

“Yes,  _ piccola _ , I’ll stay,” Sonny answered, sharing a smile with Amanda over the little girl’s head.

“Do you think you can go to sleep again, baby?” Amanda asked her.

Jesse nodded, snuggling closer to Sonny and then closing her eyes. Amanda smiled and then followed her daughter’s lead by closing her eyes, too. Laying an arm lightly over Jesse, Sonny rested his hand on Amanda’s hip before closing his eyes as well. Soon all three were once again asleep. 

* * *

A few hours later, Sonny woke to someone patting his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw Jesse looking at him. 

“ _ Piccola _ , what’s the matter?” he asked.

“I’m hungry,” she answered.

“I can fix that. Let’s let your Mama sleep, okay?”

Jesse nodded, taking Sonny’s hand when he stood and held it out for her. Holding onto Lamby with her free hand, she followed Sonny to the living room. He turned the TV on low volume and put in a movie for her to watch while he made coffee and breakfast. 

* * *

“Manda, wake up.”

Blinking her eyes open, Amanda saw Sonny standing in front of her. 

“Time is it?” she asked as she sat up and looked around. “And where’s Jesse?”

“It’s almost nine, and Jesse is eating her breakfast.”

“You cooked?”

“Yes. French toast for Jesse and omelettes for us. You didn’t have much food so I made do with what you had.”

“I need to go grocery shopping today.”

“I’ll go with you. I need to pick up a few things of my own anyway.”

“You’ll help me keep Jesse occupied? Tell her no when she asks for cookies?”

“Yes...and maybe. I make no guarantees.”

Amanda laughed as she stood and followed Sonny to the kitchen. 

“We should probably stop at your place so you can change clothes,” she said, taking a seat at the table. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I can go myself,” Sonny replied as he took the seat opposite her. 

“I thought we could spend the day together-the three of us.”

“I promised my mom I would stop by this afternoon to help with some things.”

“Oh.”

“You two could come with me? She would love to meet you. My sisters won’t be there, just my parents.”

Amanda looked nervous, making Sonny second-guess his invitation.

“You don’t have to,” he quickly backtracked. “It was just a suggestion. Forget I mentioned it.”

“I’d like to meet her,” Amanda said softly. “I’m just nervous because I really want her to like me...and Jesse. I want both of your parents to like both me and my daughter.”

“They will, Manda. I promise. I guarantee you that my mom will have Jesse calling her  _ Nana _ by the end of the day.”

Amanda smiled. “I get the feeling your mom spoils all of her grandchildren rotten.”

Sonny chuckled and nodded. “She does. She says it’s her job as a grandmother.”

“What about your dad?”

“He helps them pull pranks on each other. He used to do the same thing with my sisters and me, though.”

“He  _ helped _ you pull pranks on your sisters?”

Sonny smiled at the memory. “He did. My mom pretended not to think it was funny, but I caught her laughing a couple of times. He’s also the one who taught us all to cook.”

“Your mom doesn’t cook?”

“She does, but she mostly bakes. She always has some kind of cookie around the house-from Italian sugar cookies to  _ torcetti _ . She also makes  _ zeppoles _ ”

“What is  _ torcetti _ ?”

“Basically, a butter cookie. But instead of being round like a normal cookie, you make them in twists.”

“Like a pretzel?”

“Kind of. I’ll show you a picture later. They’re my favorite. Mama makes them for me every time I come over, so she’ll probably have some ready today that you could try.”

“I think I’m going to need to bring a notebook.”

Sonny laughed and shook his head. “You won’t.”

* * *

“Domini,  _ cucciolo _ , you’re early,” Gianna said as she greeted her son. 

Sonny looked over at Amanda. “If you tell  _ anyone _ what you just heard, I’m breaking up with you.”

Amanda laughed. “You wouldn’t dare. You love me, and Jesse, too much.”

“Mamma, where’s Papi?” Sonny asked his mother. 

“In the kitchen, where else? You and your guests settle in the living room and I’ll go get your father,” Gianna answered.

Sonny nodded, placing a hand on Amanda’s lower back to lead her in the house and then into the living room. As soon as they were seated, Jesse crawled onto his lap and rested her head against his chest while she held onto Lamby. 

“Domini,  _ caramellino _ , who have you brought us?” Dominick asked as he and Gianna entered the living room.

“Mamma, Papi, this is my girlfriend, Amanda, and her daughter, Jesse. Manda, Jess, these are my parents, Dominick and Gianna,” Sonny answered.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Amanda said with a smile, a little surprised by Sonny’s words. They hadn’t really talked about their relationship, but she found she wasn’t opposed to Sonny referring to her as his girlfriend. She knew they were committed to each other, so she supposed that was the best title for her.

“And who’s this?” Gianna asked as she walked over and ran a hand over Lamby’s head.

“Lamby,” Jesse answered shyly. 

Gianna shook one of Lamby’s hooves, making Jesse giggle. “It’s nice to meet you, Lamby.”

“ _ Caramellino _ , I need your help with some things.  _ La tua ragazza  _ will be fine with your mamma.”

“I’ll be back soon,” Sonny promised Amanda, handing her Jesse before standing and following his father out of the room. 

“I was wondering when I’d get to meet you,” Gianna said as she took a seat beside Amanda on the couch.

“You were?”

“Yes. Domini talks about you quite a bit.”

“He does?”

Gianna laughed and nodded. “Yes. He asked me to light a candle for you at church since he wasn’t comfortable leaving you at the hospital to do it himself.”

“I remember. Sonny has been there for me through a lot of hard times.”

“You’ve been there for him, too. During everything with Tommy’s parole officer, his bar exam, and now his interview for the ADA position. It’s too bad your previous ADA had to leave the way he did, but I’m happy Domini is being considered for the position.”

“We’ll all miss Barba at work, but I’m sure we’ll see him around. Sonny shadowed him, and he’s familiar with SVU as a unit and with our squad, so we all feel he’s the best person to take over.”

“He’s staying in New York?”

Amanda nodded. “He’s in a relationship with our lieutenant now.”

“They weren’t before? From the pictures I’ve seen, they looked like they could be.”

“Not until just the other day. They’ve been close friends for years, though. He was her best partner.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear he’s found some happiness in all of this mess. I don’t agree with what he did, but from what Domini told me, he acted out of mercy...and I can’t fault him for that.”

Amanda nodded again. She’d heard similar comments from Sonny. 

“Sonny mentioned that you bake?” she said, changing the subject.

Gianna smiled. “I do. I made some  _ torcetti _ if you’d like to try one. They’re Domini’s favorite.”

Amanda returned the older woman’s smile. “We’d like that, thank you.”

“Lamby, too?” Jesse asked.

“Yes, Lamby can come, too,” Amanda answered, lifting her into her arms as she stood and followed Gianna.

* * *

Later that night, after returning to her apartment and putting Jesse to bed, Amanda and Sonny relaxed together on the couch.

“So, girlfriend, huh?” she teased as he wrapped his arm around her. 

“ _ Ragazza, amore mio, cuore mio, anima gemella, la mia vita _ ,” Sonny replied.

“ _ Ragazza _ is girlfriend?”

Sonny nodded. “Very good.”

“What do the rest mean?”

“ _ Amore mio _ means my love,  _ cuore mio _ means my heart,  _ anima gemella _ means soul mate, and  _ la mia vita _ means my life.”

“Sonny…”

“I told you-I love you. I don’t say those words lightly, Manda.”

“I know,” Amanda said, lifting her head to kiss him. “I think it’s sweet. I’m just not used to it.”

“I can stop if you want me to…”

Amanda shook her head. “No, don’t. I like it.”

“I promise to try not to slip up at work.”

Amanda laughed, leaning over to kiss him again. “Probably a good idea.”

“So, do you want to watch a movie or see what’s on TV?” 

Amanda smiled as she stood and held out her hand. “I had a  _ different _ idea in mind.”

Sonny tossed the remote back onto the coffee table before standing and taking Amanda’s hand. “Tell me more.”

“I think  _ showing _ you would be more effective,’ Amanda replied as she led him back to her bedroom.

* * *

The next morning, Amanda and Sonny were taking turns pushing Jesse on the swings when they heard her shout “Noah!”. Looking up, they saw Olivia, Rafael, and Noah approaching. Noah hopped onto the swing next to Jesse as Rafael walked around him and began to push him. Olivia placed a hand on Rafael’s arm. 

“I’m going to get coffee,” she said, nodding her head towards a nearby coffee cart. “Do you want one?”

“Do you even need to ask that question?” Rafael replied, eliciting laughter from Olivia, Sonny, and Amanda. 

“I remember I asked you once if you ever thought about going off caffeine and you told me no,” Amanda said.

Rafael chuckled at the memory. “I remember. My answer has remained the same.”

Olivia smiled as she rolled her eyes. “Amanda, walk with me?” 

“Sure,” she agreed, falling into step beside her friend.

* * *

“So, how are things with you and Sonny?” Olivia asked as they waited for their coffees.

“We’re together,” Amanda replied, then held up her hand when Olivia opened her mouth to speak. “We’ll file paperwork tomorrow when we get back to work.”

“I was going to say that I’m happy for you, but since you brought up the paperwork, I think filing sooner rather than later is a good thing.”

“I still sometimes have a hard time believing he loves me. I’m a single mother who doesn’t have a great track-record with relationships.”

“I know the feeling.”

Amanda looked at her friend in confusion. “Why? Barba has only had eyes for you for  _ years _ , and don’t tell me it wasn’t the same for you. You might have been in a relationship with Tucker, but your heart wasn’t in it. You wanted to be with Barba.”

“I did,” Olivia confirmed. “Now I am.”

“How’s he doin’, by the way?”

“A little better every day. He’s taking on the immigration case of one of Rita’s clients as a favor to her. Lucia suggested he talk to some local charities and foundations, too. He’s going to do that tomorrow after he takes Noah to school.”

“Lucia is his mom, right?”

Olivia nodded, taking the coffees she had ordered for Rafael and herself. “Yes. We had brunch with her earlier.”

“How’d that go?” Amanda asked as she took the coffees for Sonny and herself.

“Good. She and Noah got along right from the start.”

“Does Barba want to be his dad?”

Olivia smiled as she nodded. “He does, but he doesn’t want to pressure Noah into it. So, for now, he’s Rafa. Noah is excited that we’ll be moving in with him, though.”

“They’ve always been close,” Amanda said as they began to walk. 

“So have Sonny and Jesse,” Olivia countered. “Does Sonny want to be Jesse’s dad?”

“Jesse has a dad…”

“She has a biological father. I’m not Noah’s biological mother but I’m his  _ mom _ .”

Amanda sighed. “I don’t know, Liv. We haven’t really talked about that. His actions make me think it’s what he wants, but I want to hear him say it. I need to  _ hear  _ him say it.”

“I understand.”

“You and Barba are good?”

Olivia smiled. “We’re really good. I’m going to miss working with him, but getting to come home to him and Noah every night...I used to try to not let myself think that was ever a possibility. But now that it’s actually happening...it’s amazing.”

“You deserve to be happy, Liv. You and Barba both.”

“We’re happy together, Amanda.”

“I can see that.”

“You’re happy with Sonny?”

Amanda smiled and nodded. “Very.”

“Then let’s get back to them before they let the children do something they shouldn’t.”

Amanda laughed as she followed her friend back to where they had left Rafael, Sonny, Noah, and Jesse. 

* * *

Handing Rafael his coffee, Olivia leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. 

“Momma, watch!” Noah exclaimed, pumping his legs to make himself swing higher.

“Good job, sweet boy!” Olivia replied.

“He’s been practicing at school, apparently,” Rafael added.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, “You wouldn’t have happened to bring him here after school the other day, did you?”

Rafael took a sip of his coffee to hide his smile. “Something like that might have happened.”

* * *

After watching his friends, Sonny turned to Amanda. “I think someone is smitten.”

Amanda laughed as she nodded in agreement. “I think they both are.”

“They’re not the only ones.”

“No, they’re not,” Amadna agreed, giving him a kiss before turning her attention to her daughter. 

“Sonny, slide?” she asked. 

“You want me to catch you at the bottom?” Sonny asked.

“Yeah!”

“Sure,” Sonny agreed, taking another sip of his coffee before handing it to Amanda and then picking up Jesse. “Come on,  _ piccola _ .”

Smiling, Amanda followed them. A few minutes later, she set the coffees down on a nearby step so she could take some pictures. She even managed to get a few of Rafael, Olivia, and Noah over at the swings. 

Her personal favorite of them was one of the three of them sitting on the swings. Noah was in the middle of the two adults and they both had their heads turned towards him as they listened to whatever he was telling them. Her favorite of Sonny and Jesse was when Jesse slid a little faster than Sonny was expecting and he fell on his butt as he caught her, causing them both to laugh. She wasn’t sure what she’d done to deserve a man like Sonny Carisi, but she was going to complain. She loved him and could see a future with him and Jesse. Just like Olivia could see her future with Rafael and Noah.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As seems to be the case with me lately, I wasn't planning on adding another chapter for this after I finished the first two and wasn't overly happy with it. But then a plot bunny attacked and here we are. Special thanks to thousand_miles for her faithful reviews, and thank you to everyone who reviewed this. Comments feed the muse ;)
> 
> Barsonoah chapter and a shorter than the other two chapters, but I thought the end was a good place to stop. At least until I decide what exactly I want to do with this fic. Might add another Rollisi chapter or another Barson chapter, maybe one with Nick as the focus. I have no other chapters planned for this at the moment, though.
> 
> As always, hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Walking into a local foundation that one of his mother’s friends helped run, Rafael shifted the container of  _ pastelitos _ she had asked him to drop off. 

“Rafael?” 

At the sound of his name, Rafael turned and saw his mother’s friend, Valeria. 

“I haven’t seen you in forever!” the older woman continued, smiling as she walked up to him. 

“These are from my mom,” Rafael said, handing her the container. “I was instructed to drop them off if I wanted any of my own.”

Valentine laughed. “How are you doing? I heard about….well...what happened.”

“A little better every day. Trying to figure out what I want to do now that I left the DA’s office.”

“What about the lovely police lieutenant who was by your side at the trial?”

“My girlfriend,” Rafael replied with a smile. “That’s a...more recent...development.”

“She makes you happy?”

“Very much so.”

“Then I’m happy for you, Rafi,” Valeria replied with a smile. When an idea occurred to her, her smile widened. “Are you open to new opportunities or are you set on taking some time off?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“The head of our legal department recently resigned. Honestly, it was for the better, but that leaves us in a bit of a bind. I was going to post the job opening, but you have so much experience with helping victims, I think you’d be perfect for the job.”

Rafael had to admit he was intrigued. He had briefly considered leaving the DA’s office to start his own foundation at different points in his career, but had ultimately decided to stay where he was. “Tell me more,” he said. 

“Let’s go back to my office. Do you have to be anywhere by a certain time?”

“I’m supposed to pick up Noah from school at three.”

“Noah?”

“My girlfriend’s son.”

“Well, I’ll make sure to have you out of here in plenty of time to pick him up.”

* * *

“Rafa?” Olivia called as she entered the apartment she would soon share with him and Noah. 

“Kitchen,” Rafael called back. 

Walking into the room Rafael had indicated, Olivia smiled when she saw him cooking and Noah at the table doing his homework. 

“Rafa,” Noah said. “Can you help me?”

“Of course,  _ mijo _ ,” Rafael replied, walking over to the boy. “What do you need?”

Noah pointed to a word on his word find list. “I can’t find this word.”

“Why don’t you start by looking for the letter V and seeing if you can find the word from there?” Rafael suggested.

Noah looked skeptical. “Does that work?” he asked, looking between Olivia and Rafael.

“Guess you’ll have to try it and find out,” Rafael replied, ruffling the boy’s hair before walking back into the kitchen to check on the food.

“What other homework do you have?” Olivia asked her son.

“I’m supposed to read with an adult for ten minutes,” Noah replied before going back to his word find. 

Running a hand over Noah’s hair as she passed him, Olivia walked into the kitchen to find out what her boyfriend was cooking.

“Whatever that is, it smells delicious,” she said as she walked up to him and slid her arm around his waist. 

Rafael pressed a kiss to her temple and then her lips. “ _ Picadillo _ . I figured it was a pretty Noah-safe meal.”

Olivia smiled. “I agree. Is reading really all he has left for homework?”

“I have to check his math homework after dinner, but yes.”

“I can check it,” Olivia said.

“Noah asked me to,” Rafael quietly replied.

Olivia turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek. “Then I’m happy to let you do it. I just didn’t want you to think you need to do, well, everything.”

“You had a long day. It’s the least I can do. Besides, I enjoy helping him.”

“Rafael Barba, the first-grade homework expert?” 

Rafael chuckled. “I try my best.”

“So, does this mean I can relax with a glass of wine while you two complete his reading?”

“Only after you give him  _ and _ Eddie goodnight kisses.”

“I think I can do that,” Olivia replied as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “I really am glad we’re all here together.”

Rafael turned his head to press a kiss to the top of Olivia’s. “Me, too. I don’t know what I was thinking, trying to walk away from you….”

“Temporary moment of insanity.”

Rafael chuckled. “I think you might be the smart one in this relationship.”

“I loved working with you, Rafa, but coming home to you, relaxing with you, sharing homework duty with you...it’s so much better.”

“With Noah’s latest masterpiece on the fridge?”

“And your  _ abuelita _ ’s picture in the living room. That quilt she made...it’s incredibly warm.”

“Perfect for cold February nights in New York.”

“Cuddled together on the couch?”

“Sharing the benefits of said quilt?”

“Of course.”

“You’ve got a deal. But I have to put the kid to bed first.”

“Him? He can put himself to bed.”

Rafael laughed. “I’m not sure he’d agree.”

“I’ll just bribe him.”

“You’re not that kind of mom.”

Olivia sighed. “No, I’m not,” she said. When she heard an excited shout from the dining room, she lifted her head to see that Rafael had heard it, too. “I think he found the word.”

Rafael reached to turn the stove off and then set the timer on the microwave. “It needs to sit for a few minutes and then it’ll be ready to eat. I’ll go check on the word find progress if you don’t mind getting us all something to drink?”

“I think I can handle that,” Olivia replied, giving him another kiss before walking over to the fridge.

* * *

“Ready to read,  _ mijo _ ?” Rafael asked as he walked into Noah’s room.

“Can I ask a question first?” Noah replied.

“Of course. What’s on your mind?”

“Mom and I are going to live here now, right?”

“That’s right.”

“So...if Eddie and I want to keep  _ this _ bed instead of the other one...we could do that?”

Rafael chuckled as he took a seat next to Noah on the bed, “If that’s what you want, it’s fine with me. We’ll have to talk to your mom about it, though.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

“If you ask her nicely.”

“Can we ask her now? Eddie won’t sleep if he doesn’t get the answer right away.”

Rafael leaned over and pressed a kiss to Noah’s head. “Sure. I’ll go get her. You keep Eddie calm.”

Noah nodded, reaching for his favorite stuffed animal as Rafael left the room to get his mother. When they both returned a few moments later, he held him just a little tighter. 

“So, you like this bed, huh?” Olivia asked. 

Noah nodded. “Eddie does, too.”

“He’s pretty picky.”

Noah nodded again. “So...can we keep this bed?”

“Sure. We have to keep Eddie happy. It keeps him from stealing the ice cream.”

“Shh, Liv, he hasn’t thought about ice cream in…” Rafael turned to Noah. “How many days?”

“Four!” Noah replied, covering Eddie’s ears.

Olivia laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t say ice cream...I said it’ll keep him from screaming?”

Rafeal and Noah exchanged a look before they joined in Olivia’s laughter. 

“Will you both read with me?” Noah asked a few moments later, his laughter subsided. 

“Of course, sweet boy,” Olivia replied. 

In a move that surprised both adults, Noah crawled onto Rafael’s lap and leaned against his chest. “Sit next to us, Momma.”

Olivia nodded, smiling when she saw Rafael curl an arm around Noah to hold him close. Her boys. She loved them both and was incredibly happy that they were already becoming closer. 

* * *

Once Noah was asleep, Olivia and Rafael relaxed together on the couch with the former lying in the latter’s arms, her head on his chest.

“I love you,” Rafael said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I love you, too,” Olivia replied, drawing his arms tighter around her. “Did you have a good day?”

“I did, actually. I stopped by to see a friend of my mom’s, I was instructed to bring her  _ pastelitos _ since Mami had an early meeting this morning. Anyway, Valeria and I got to talking and she said her foundation is looking for someone new to head their legal department. The previous person recently resigned and it’s left them scrambling a bit.”

“Sounds interesting. What does her foundation do?”

“They help survivors of abuse. It sounds like the legal department is a bit of mess right now...but Valeria thinks my experience as a prosecutor with SVU makes me a good fit.”

“It sounds like you’ve found your new job.”

“Would you be mad if I said I don’t think I’m going to run for DA?”

Olivia sat up a little so she could look him in the eyes. “Rafa, I can hear in your voice how excited you are about just the  _ prospect _ of working for this foundation. I happen to agree with Valeria, too. I think you should take the job. As for running for DA, if you don’t want to do it, I’m fine with that. I still believe you would make a fantastic one, but you could do a lot of good with this foundation, too. Most of all, I want you to be happy. You can still help people in this new position. I know that’s important to you.”

“You could always follow me there and we could work together again.”

“Isn’t that kind of what Valeria does?”

Rafael shrugged. “She seemed a bit...frazzled? Overwhelmed? The foundation has grown a lot in the last few years and Mami said that she’s mentioned not wanting to retire until she found the right person to take over.”

Olivia was silent as she contemplated his words. “Leave SVU?” she said, thinking out loud.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to...it was just a suggestion…”

“I briefly considered it a few years ago,” Olivia confessed, lying back down. “And Munch once told me that there’s more to life than SVU…”

“You’d consider it?”

“Yes. I mean, part of me wants to make Captain someday, but another part would love to be able to move to a less stressful and time-consuming position. The latter would allow me to be home with Noah more. I know SVU would be in good hands with Fin and Amanda. With Carisi likely taking over as ADA, and him being personally trained by you, I think SVU would be in good hands there, too. I’ve gotten multiple consulting offers over the years, too.”

“Me, too. Once I started working with you, though, I rarely even considered them.”

“So you did at some point?”

“When you were with Tucker,” Rafael confessed. “I almost left. I’m sorry, Livia, it just broke my heart every time I saw you with him…”

Olivia shook her head, wrapping her arms more tightly around him. “I’m glad you stayed...and I’m sorry about everything that happened because of that relationship. I almost lost my best friend  _ and _ SVU.”

“The second part was mostly my fault.”

“No.  _ I _ should have disclosed. I just...I think, deep down, I knew how you were going to react when you found out and I was trying to delay the inevitable. It wasn’t fair to Ed  _ or _ Noah that every time I saw them together, I wished it were  _ you _ and Noah instead. I felt you drifting away and I felt a little isolated when Ed and I were together. He began to count the number of drinks I was having and he wasn’t a big fan of the squad. He didn’t understand how much of a  _ family _ my squad and I had become. But you did. You always understood. You still do.”

Rafael pressed a kiss to her head. “We’re together now....and as messed up as things have been lately...I wouldn’t change things if it means being here with you now. If I could go back and change things, and still end up here with you, then I’d do that. But I can’t, so I’m just going to be grateful that you gave me a chance to fix what I broke.”

“Maybe in an alternate universe, we met earlier in our lives and we have a big family.”

Rafael chuckled. “You think we’d still meet the squad?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“I like the thought of us being together in whatever universe we’re in.”

Olivia lifted her head to kiss him. “Me, too.”

“With Noah, right?”

“Yes. Absolutely. Do you think we’d have more kids?”

“Biological or adopted?”

“Maybe both, depending on  _ when _ we met.”

“Maybe. If you wanted more kids, I’d give them to you...or adopt them with you.”

Olivia smiled at him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”


End file.
